Been hard to find inspiration lately, what with the constant flow of people who are happier leaving me than helping me rebuild. Instead of standing up to them, I’ve learned to be weak and it’s ruined my interpretation of language. I need a reinstallation of faith, someone to give me a space to fall apart where I know they’ll pick me up again. Too young to be sad about better days, I’m beginning to walk as if I’m an emotional catastrophe anyway. Devastation Jhayne’s been my on-line name for far too long. This project, I think it will give me the impetus to forgive myself for not being able to forgive them.
It feels strange to be considered ‘higher risk, with good growth potential’. This goes through and I suspect it might be a little like being reborn to be so suddenly justified in my belief that Vancouver can be a good place culturally if only we’re willing to stand up and put the work in. Force this place to grow up a bit, fighting against the Yaletown soullessness we seem to be stuck with. There’s no sense of history here, we’re too new. I feel it’s a shame hardly anyone seems to remember The Pink Slipper, The Town Pump or the Starfish Room, venues that were closed, (some of them, like the Pink Slipper and The Main St. Candy Shop, torched by arsonists who were never caught), and never replaced. It’s like we’ve got gaps no one’s seeing because they’re just part of the landscape. It’s like our absence of meaningful architecture. There used to be great places here for all sorts of live performances, local and otherwise, but now it looks like we’re even going to lose The Vogue? Bloody crime, all around. Even more reason to get my place going, a performance theatre like the Cultch used to be.
And now, to bed, to sleep until it is time to peer into what hopefully will end up being my theatre.