Author: foxtongue

he never did

I’m waiting again. A new sort though, well, an old sort, but not one I’m used to anymore. I feel like I’m wading through my week, looking forward over the waters of everything in the one moment I have nothing to do. I’m working right now, playing thought police to people only a few years younger than I am. I remember being 14, but I don’t ever remember being as young as these kids.

Seeing Silva the other day was an experience. She’s such a tie to the life I used to have. My insane, violent father, my mother with her ever present bruises. I remember when I was six, we lived on Grandview Highway in a little white house with a red porch. It’s not there anymore. The basement was unfinished and mostly full of soil, piled ot the ceiling. Blue people lived there, glowing. I never went down there. No-one would let me in.  Outside my window was an old gas tank, painted with that particular silver we never see anymore. It was almost even with my window and boomed with far far distant lightning when I climbed onto it. I remember always feeling empty, and I remember thinking once, only once, that if my father struck me like he hit my mother I would ring with that far off sound as well.

There’s no possible excuse for acting so young.

Someone was being ridiculous at me yesterday, accusing me of *gasp* sleeping with my friends in thier beds. *exclamation points* Apparently though, this was a naughty thing for me to do in spite of the fact that my roomate and I share a bed, James and I sleep over once a week and whenever there’s groups of people staying overnight for movies, we all crash one by one on the same fold-out bed. Now this is one of those things that will run up the warning flag with me, because it was a serious point of contention in my last relationship.   Jealousy is a no-no, unless you are honest and to the point about it and even then, don’t you dare even begin to think you own me. I don’t get along with games. Point in fact – evil of me as it would have been, I really quite wanted to say, “you know, he and I weren’t sleeping“

quickdraw week

Sun: films with James until late –>sleep

Mon: sleep in – Last Samurai –> Adrians = forget buspass/money anyways –> chocolate cake on the Drive – Nathanial = Gavins info –> talk in park –> films with James until almost dawn – sleep

Tue: meet up with Sophie & Pedro –> fountain splashing, busride, bayshore –> coal harbour cruise – sophie & I talking –> aquarium = no sloths = belugas –> coffeeshop, Deli-Llama ice-cream, Jack & Rebecca –> James place = pick up camera –> sushi place with Sophie = Jeff going away party – Mark & Paul –> kareoke = pained ears – sophie = girlsongs –> skytrain with Sophie & Jeff & Jude & Vincent –> Adrians – computer chat – Jeff –> sleep

Wed: nothing??

Thursday: fight computer –> call Bill = nothing sweet –> Sophie at Skytrain = moving into Dominiques –> 8:30pm – Jeff – flowers –> Paul –> Marc – cat = love – computer/card problems –> Joe’s –> Gelati –> Brittania rooftop = ouch –> Rosencrantz & Guildenstern Are Dead – couch puddle –> Willow dawn –> Jeff crash = couch = no more puddle –> Marc talking  –> 8 am – one hour nap –> Fri: breakfast @ Cafe Du Soliex –> Adrians = computer = Dereks birthday today –> Robin outing – Drive wandering – Value Village – Opus –> 7 pm – meet Ethan –>wander the Drive –> send Robin home –> Skytrain – Chris briefly –>Adrians –> Jeff chat –> Derek birthday = Derek, Adrian, Ethan, Victoria, Kyle, Diana, Dianaboy, Ian, Tim, Neal, Marcella (briefly) – Rasputina ticket – Beastmaster – chocolate cake –> 2am – Adrians – 44 hours no sleep = sleep on couch.

Sat: pain from climbing –> work –> Aiden housewarming

Sun: work –> pick up sophie from work, over to her new place (dominique & mike) —> James for all night movies

Mon: out with James –> Cafe Du Soliex Poetry Slam Finals

Tue: propwork for Alices Mad Tea Party —> LiveJournal meetup at Sweet Confections

Wed: Rasputina Concert

 

Wow. So close to enough things in my week.

I can wait forever for you to say you love me

Ah, the subtle joys of computer hell. Sympathy for the devil if there ever was such a thing. I’ve tried posting six times and a freeze and shutdown every time. *shakes head* Luckily, I still have sleepdep happiness to stave off the virus related depression.

There is that particular absence of taste on my tongue to remind me I have yet to properly sleep, a not quite metallic unavoidable sensation, but somehow, I don’t want to. I have that bouncy energy what comes from staying awake with my favorite things. Last eve Jeff  & I went to see Marc and it was refreshing. Jeff met me with flowers and I ran into Sophie at the Skytrain. It’s a confirm, she’s moving in with Mike and Dominique, thus resulting in Jhayne’s almost ultimate friends house. I’m going to have to start a set of visiting hours. I have been waiting for such a long time for a week such as this.

Right off there was a cat. A black cat, not silky, but with fine textured hair. An adorable kitty, full of furpurring and love. Another in the countless line of Loki cats I am sure to meet in my lifetime. Capricious is lovely. Then after awhile we went to Joe’s to delightedly discuss film and philosophy. We could have levitated on our cleverness. Then to gelati, up the drive. Pink grapefruit topped with Passionfruit for me, the sweetness accented by tart. (Somewhat a descriptive self-mockery, come to think, but I digress). I thought it was perfectly clear we needed somewhere to go, some adventure to embark upon. It was that kind of evening: barefoot and civil all at once. Dancing for the joy of it air. Springtime the new prosecutor, putting us on the stand for not doing anything.

So I brought them to the roof of Brittania. Tresspassing climbing one-oh-one. (There are 10 sorts of people in the world – those who understand binary, and those who don’t).  There is a view worth the climb up top the highschool. Jeff was seemingly a slight hesitant, but Marc was more than up for it. The schoolboard has kindly made the ascent much simpler than it used to be. The fearsome scoot along the top of the wall is no longer needful as there is now a railing that puts the roof within easy reach. The last three steps were surprisingly simple, though I did something utterly foolish and Marc has some bruises. I say to anyone, be willing to climb up with a picnic some evening when the wind is warm. The feeling up on rooftops is different from the ground. There is an intimacy with the city one lacks on the ground. The traffic shush in the far distance only brings everything closer.

We spent the night at Marcs. First watching Rosencrantz & Guildenstern in a stacked cuddle, which segued terribly into Willow, which left us with dawn peering it’s brightening skyfingers through the winndow. Jeff crashed finally near the end of the second film, but Marc and I survived. We curled up and talked until well into the morning. Falling perhaps vaguely asleep only around eight in time to wake at nine:fifteen. I simply refused and buried myself in the scent of that five year bed with a graphic novel for another quarter hour before emerging into the next day’s official morning. There was breakfast at Cafe Du Soliex, more of friend endless conversation and a walk to the Skytrain. Jeff caught the B-Line and Marc and I exchanged official contact onformation. I feel this is a step of some sort, but the dance is too pretty to bother examining. I liked holding hands for a second too long. I think it’s allowed.

There is a certain satisfaction is ending a good book on the way home to the internet after such a day. Course, it’s driven from me with the realization, that yes, it’s friday, and yes, I was to be picking up the boy an hour ago. Add to that it’s Dereks birthday today. (Beastmaster is NOT a birthday movie you guys! And I can’t find my ferret puppet.) and I suppose I really should creep out of the apartment, (Adrian is still sleeping), pick up the Boy and fetch him a present.

like eyes suddenly open and I saw you in front of me as you are

p.s. http://www.asofterworld.com/ has a new one today