My friend Jay is setting off the fireworks this evening. He’s hassling me again to get my ticket. This year I might just go for it. As it’s only twice a year, I almost always miss it. Last time I was in line I got smucked by a truck. Certainly I’ll have better luck these days. I don’t know who I’ll run into tonight, but it’s certain to be fun. Afterwards there’s a posh West Van party with Jacques. Live music & socialites. I love going to parties where people bleed blue when you cut them. I always have far too much fun. Hottub with a view of the city. I’ll have to dig out my most uninteresting anti-wet t-shirt contest underwear. Not, of course, difficult, but something to keep in mind. *chuckles*
The children aren’t very interesting today. Usual questions to eachother, “what do you look like?” I tell them flat out every day I work this that if anyone makes the slightest fuss about skin colour, I may yank their membership. Oh fear. I’m sitting here waiting for Gavool. This part is the real waiting. He’s out there somewhere. If I think about it, I can see him. I’m realizing I worry a little too, but not in concrete ways. Mine are all neglectful leftovers from the last relationship. “will he want to talk with me today? will it be worth it for him to take the time from his day?” Useless things, untrue and habit. It’s almost surreal to not be scared of him. I learned to live with so many rules that it was ridiculous. Call if I’m out for over 2 hours, tell exactly who I’m with, what we’re doing and if there’s anyone else. Be home by THIS time else you’ll be punished. Now I have a list of warning signs: BEWARE THE FALLING ROCKS – fragile ego ahead.
I was talking about Gav with my friends Aiden and Nicole last night. Quite a few of those ‘it’s nice to see you happy’ comments. They’re both good friends of mine, though newly a couple. It’s a joy to spend time with them. It was if I felt him just in the next room. Aiden said he’d come with me to Calgary some time if he could meet him *smiles* Another, ‘go. leave. move out there.’ person. I’m starting to suspect it’s always the people who know me best. *shakes fist at Vancouver* Now that word is spreading I’ve let him go, he’s gone, there are all sorts creeping out of the woodwork hoping to ‘console me’ or.. something. Idiots. I didn’t know that really anyone knew you were even around or existed. I’m beginning to wonder how old I’ll get until that particular phenomenon fades. Mid thirties? *shrugs* Least most of it is amusing.
Four:fifteen. Crossing mental fingers that he’ll be here soon. I’d like to have him over before the flesh people arrive. If nothing else, I’ll have to have the bother of getting properly dressed. Evilness. I’ll try to nab a digicam off someone to take pictures and so post them. Maybe I’ll just take my idiot point & click. It’s not like I don’t have film lying around at all times. Should have brought it with me when leaving town, but all thought of it escaped my mind until he had left. Having certain people around has me used to digital. I went through some of the Cam archives. Found us enduring SWAT together. Two seconds of standing in the livingroom all gothy and more time sitting with Ray. It crashes my computer there’s so much data to wade through, but really, at three a.m. it’s not like I have anything better to do. My mind replays the hours when watching the pictures go by like cells. “we were sitting at ethans now, on the couch” play scroll animation play play. The walls fading into darkness, then oh! a kitchen light. That would be you making sandwiches. *laughter* If I were anyone else, this would be obsessive.
Four:twenty-eight. I swear, this minute hand is like the left hand of Lucifer. I think rather than bore you, (that odd mystical you who apparently may read this), to tears with more of this, I’m simply going to post this and let it be. Go read some more Calvin & Hobbes.