This wondering if I’m going to make it tastes like fear. There’s no logic here, not really. It’s a little bit crazy, spur of the moment, and that’s why I like it. That’s why I want it to work. I’m not getting what I need here, or at least not from sources I can drink from without tainting them with lead chip lips. The reasons people are ascribing to my sudden departure are the wrong ones, it’s almost as simple as somebody asked me to leave. This is skinned knees waiting to be kissed better and finding instead an airport. It’s not even like someone has replaced me, it’s only clumsiness and a total lack of understanding. I need the right words now spoken at the exact precise right time and it’s not about to happen. There should be a protest or at least a little bit of I’m going to miss you. I need to matter again. I need to remember that I can, that there are possibilities all the time and everywhere that I would never think of.
if there’s anyone in toronto or if you even know of a place to stay, please drop me a line. my flight leaves tomorrow afternoon