Things I Have Learned On My Summer Autumn Vacation 72 Hour Bus-Trip
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If the bus contains a man who coughs with the sound of a wet rag being dragged through a dog, he will sit directly behind you.
Fresh fruits and vegetables do not exist. All food is fried.
All ice-cream parlours in Saskatchewan sell Fireworks.
People who Talk To Themselves are likely dangerous. Other good clues are an obsession with silly putty, matching camo-wear clothing and luggage, and unexpected children’s toys.
The Rocky Mountain glaciers are almost gone. This is incredibly scary.
Small towns contain odd statues of Big Things. They are not good Statues, or even interesting, they are merely odd.
Small towns only exist on the prairies as a tangential side-effect of the gravity around granaries.
There really is nothing for 50 miles in every direction.
Your Time will never be the same Time as when the bus leaves. And, in the same vein, breakfast is regularly at 4:10 in the morning.
Calgary smells like cinnamon.
Manitoba Bikers have progressed from being people who hit you with crowbars to people who dance to Barbie Girl in A&W parking lots.
Trees become exciting half-way across Canada.
Winnipeg becomes attractive under the threat of a Bus Strike.
Bus drivers are all jolly, except for that one exception to the rule. Even coffee does not help him.
Pin-ball machines are perpetually, mysteriously free.
Husky Station Restaurants remain the holy grail mecca of truck stop diners.
n: vb: the spice of imagination