Month: March 2004

I have swallowed pale stones.

 

the first time we made love, i: i wasn’t sober.
(and you told me you loved me over and over!)
how could i ever love another, when i miss you every day:

remember the time we made love in the roses?
(and you took my picture in all sorts of poses!)
how could i ever get over you, when i’d give my life for yours.

 

I want to go home.

I’ve just had the experience of an utterly soul-rotting interview and now I’m going to go celebrate by going out for dessert with   and .

I like this trend

it went from going for cofee – which I was happy with – to going for sushi – which I am certainly – to going for dessert – which is like going for coffee but better

• pants
• mighty
• doom
• ‘tastic
• god-like
• banana
• starwars anything
• startrek anything
• technology

 

Honey, you’re just plain fucked up.

Fucked up, any?
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Lucky bastard. You’re CATcrazy: you can do pretty
much anything you like, everyone still loves
you.

Fucked up, any?
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It could be cruel, this flaying alive of my nerves and skin. For someone so jealous, you’re certainly throwing my lot in with strange boys.

Last day was fraught and lovely. Time spent with hire-me papaers and   melted into having the Boy around and eating strawberry rhubarb crumble on the beach. It was a far better choice than the pie we had planned.

Bitter is more fitting.

Later we stopped by his place and made arrangements to meet with , as I had previously with . I left James and Sophie at Broadway and bussed to the Butcher Shop Floor to discover Dominique hadn’t yet arrived, though   was there.  Not exactly a venue, but I suppose with too much effort, potentialities could form into flesh. Poor folk are running it currently by comittee.

Walking down to Broadway from 26th was unexpected, but refreshing. The sidewalk stretching forward past us to the other side of the city. Blocks corrupt with consumerism. Dominique stopped in one shop and we kept wandering downward. Assuming that she had paused to mock advertisment culture, we were surprised when she came running back with a handful of violet flowers. “I bought these for you“

She shocked me. Electric snap of joy. First actual spark of happy so far.

I called you and you gave me nothing. You don’t ask where I am or how to reach me. You ask nothing.

I missed you too much. I shouldn’t have called. I shouldn’t have.

This hurts too much that you don’t care.

                                                                                                     this is the hearts filthy lesson

I don’t know what to do. I’m going through the motions, but behind there’s no meaning.

 

let me laugh, let you take my pain and eat it laughing. let the freedom begin, let me sleep.

sweep me up and swallow mine eyes inside you.

be my sight again

be my dreams again and let you not fear me

darkness falling with piano deep in the shade               

chords, notes, phrases – swelling into this water what drowns me

keeps me, kills me, wants wants to die

this is what you want