Month: January 2004

blahs

I’m home alone again. Until late it’s just me and the chinchilla, as he cat is apparently gone. Oh, and the fish. Scintillating company, I know. I’m wandering the internet utterly aimlessly, with not enough imagination to find anything actually interesting. So – this entry. A pointless one, without interest, describing perfectly my thoughts.

pysnoop

So it seems a file named PTSNOOP is messing about with my computer. I assume it got on either with my modem, or before I managed to download ZoneAlarm. In any case – it’s severly irritating. AdAware doesn’t notice it, nor does ZoneAlarm or The Cleaner. Pages found from Google say it’s a trojan backdoor. I’m searching through the registry and seeing if I can’t clean it out that way, but if it does show up YET AGAIN. *growls* Does anyone know of a nice cleaner program that nabs it?? It’s apparently quite bothering with my net connection.

apples

I do not want these possibilities
idols of neglect and love
to want to suddenly kiss this
face that isn’t yours
regret
Tempting this choice
presented me these apples golden sweet
so dangerous only ruin lies within crisp skin
softly softly this offer
sweetness certain soured
I do not want
idols of regret and love
needs unmet, unheeded unseen

today and yesterday I have not eaten

I am not a matyr because I love you, because you are important to me beyond myself. It is not a sacrifice that has that sort of meaning. You will forever be more important then I, you put yourself there and have held it. It hurts me that you are always the center of all things, as it would be nice, so nice, if perhaps I had a day, a moment, a thought, where you held yourself to be lesser and equal. Would that you trusted me, believed me, answered my questions instead of asking “why”. Would that you cared as I do. Would that you loved me back.

pinstripes candystripes

damn you stockdale! i’m home alone at three eh em intermittently wandering the internet for anything interesting. conversations had with you recently are floating through my brain prompting me to look into the idea of the pinstripe corset. drat you and yours. there’s many and many of them, all desirable and unattainable. sleek, svelte skins of the body, gloves to the form. olive and lavender, blood red and creamy plum. no black charcoal with aubergine, not yet, though it must be in this world of fashion pages and on-line shopping. i am sure.