from www.5ives.com (thanks go to blingforjesus for continueing to seek out unnuterably amusing web content)
Five great reasons to buy a Hummer™
1 You’ve been wanting to buy much wider groceries (but have been stymied by the timid width of your Escalade)
2 You and your make-believe wife were thinking of having 11 or 12 imaginary kids
3 You’re sick of always being the environment’s goddamned bitch
4 You could totally put a keg back there and just drive around and shit
5 They were all out of penises