If I manage to laugh today off, I will be very surprised.
\nUnheard of possibility.<\/p>\n
I did something once that I called Remembering How To Smile, though, in fact, I’d never known. Without knowing how I did it, there was no fear anymore. I got the Life, the Walk, the Everything. The butterfly emerged with knives out and glittering. This was Mine. Refreshed, I was part of myself for the first time in my life. It’s glorious, the strength of being self. I scared people for months afterwards, like to look into my eyes was to see fire.
\nIt’s been faded for a long time, but I feel it returning. I can proclaim and I can fly. <\/p>\n
I’m discovering people give me much credit I do not deserve. “Of course, you’re You! Why are you surprised?”<\/i> I never knew. I am not as anything wise as I am accused of. Told that my actions and thought are admired, I am lost. I am not special. I am not unique. The Dance you so desire isn’t purposeful. It happens. That people say I should know better, that I should assume<\/i> and expect<\/i> a certain kind of chaos and joy, this is somehow a new thing. Information I was ignorant of yet tying into that feeling. That flood of being everything without thinking about it. <\/p>\n
Part of it feels like acting. Partially it’s a widening of self. I don’t know if I can do it, but I do. I push and find no barrier. I create a space with my false confidence and eventually fill it on the assumption that I can. Bravado constantly cycling into the real.<\/p>\n
I have been startled. I do not say Yes.<\/p>\n
Tonight I had a fabulous dinner with Silva. Tomorrow I go to Seattle with Alistair.
\nHow about you and me, reader, we go hold hands somewhere we can’t be laughed at?<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
If I manage to laugh today off, I will be very surprised. Unheard of possibility. I did something once that I called Remembering How To Smile, though, in fact, I’d never known. Without knowing how I did it, there was no fear anymore. I got the Life, the Walk, the Everything. The butterfly emerged with … Continue reading “time is an illusion perpetrated by the manufacturers of space”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-856","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/856","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=856"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/856\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=856"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=856"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=856"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}