{"id":3728,"date":"2011-12-16T16:33:00","date_gmt":"2011-12-16T16:33:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/2011\/12\/16\/reading-this-hurts-less-than-living-it\/"},"modified":"2011-12-16T16:33:00","modified_gmt":"2011-12-16T16:33:00","slug":"reading-this-hurts-less-than-living-it","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/2011\/12\/16\/reading-this-hurts-less-than-living-it\/","title":{"rendered":"reading this hurts less than living it"},"content":{"rendered":"<p><center><a href=\"http:\/\/www.flickr.com\/photos\/foxtongue\/6445513993\/\" title=\"a principle source of gravity by Foxtongue, on Flickr\"><img loading=\"lazy\" decoding=\"async\" src=\"http:\/\/farm8.staticflickr.com\/7166\/6445513993_f76e21b741.jpg\" width=\"500\" height=\"332\" alt=\"a principle source of gravity\"><\/a><\/center><\/p>\n<p>The bus travels over the Lion&#8217;s Gate Bridge and I think, unbidden, of last year, a trip up a mountain, falling down in snow, the beginnings of what turned out to be love. Inside the suddenly knotted fist in my chest, I feel a spike of cold, hateful self betrayal, and my throat pointlessly closes up. &#8220;Limbic system,&#8221; I recite in my head, &#8220;amygdala, the hippocampal neurons that are associated with emotions and memory. Stress response. Low order post-trauma. Fight, flight or engage. Possibly vestigial dopamine, triggering a surge of adrenaline and noradrenaline into the bloodstream.&#8221; The words are clinical, chosen for distance, for a way to codify and distract my complicated grief. I want this banished, but the only person that can break the spell keeps me bound. They hide. They give nothing. &#8220;A bodily state of anxiety&#8221;, I think. &#8220;The deadly effects of adrenaline during emotional suffering may be due to a direct attack of adrenaline on the heart.&#8221;<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>The bus travels over the Lion&#8217;s Gate Bridge and I think, unbidden, of last year, a trip up a mountain, falling down in snow, the beginnings of what turned out to be love. Inside the suddenly knotted fist in my chest, I feel a spike of cold, hateful self betrayal, and my throat pointlessly closes &hellip; <a href=\"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/2011\/12\/16\/reading-this-hurts-less-than-living-it\/\" class=\"more-link\">Continue reading<span class=\"screen-reader-text\"> &#8220;reading this hurts less than living it&#8221;<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[155,302,1682],"class_list":["post-3728","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized","tag-flickr","tag-self-portrait","tag-there-is-no-god"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3728","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=3728"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/3728\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=3728"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=3728"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=3728"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}