{"id":1079,"date":"2004-12-04T22:11:00","date_gmt":"2004-12-04T22:11:00","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/2004\/12\/04\/the-internet-will-reign\/"},"modified":"2004-12-04T22:11:00","modified_gmt":"2004-12-04T22:11:00","slug":"the-internet-will-reign","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/2004\/12\/04\/the-internet-will-reign\/","title":{"rendered":"the internet will reign"},"content":{"rendered":"

 ROBOT EXCLUSION PROTOCOL
By Paul Ford
<\/a>
I took off my clothes and stepped into the shower to find another one sitting near the drain. It was about 2 feet tall and made of metal, with bright camera-lens eyes and a few dozen gripping arms. Worse than the Jehovah’s Witnesses.<\/p>\n

\u201cHi! I’m from Google. I’m a Googlebot! I will not kill you.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI know what you are.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI’m indexing your apartment.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI don’t want you here. Who let you in?\u201d <\/p>\n

 \u201cI am Google! I find many good things. I find that pair of underwear with the little dice printed all over them. And I watch the tape of you with the life-sized Stallman puppet. These are good unique things. Many keywords and links! My masters will say ‘much good job, little robot!’ Many searchers will find happy links of Stallman puppet see you! Ahhhh.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cI put the robot exclusion protocol on my door. Didn’t you see it?\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYou understand Google, person? I index many things and if I am very good I get to go to Bot Park and have more processors. And an oiljob! Thank you Google! Must come inside apartment and index. Must!\u201d His video eye winked up at me.<\/p>\n

\u201cI know my rights. I’m giving you 10 seconds to leave.\u201d<\/p>\n

\u201cYes. I will leave. First I index everything. Everything! I am Google!\u201d It put out one of its video arms and began to read the label on my shampoo bottle. So I beat it into shards with a folding chair and let it index the dustbin. <\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

 ROBOT EXCLUSION PROTOCOLBy Paul FordI took off my clothes and stepped into the shower to find another one sitting near the drain. It was about 2 feet tall and made of metal, with bright camera-lens eyes and a few dozen gripping arms. Worse than the Jehovah’s Witnesses. \u201cHi! I’m from Google. I’m a Googlebot! I … Continue reading “the internet will reign”<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"footnotes":""},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-1079","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-uncategorized"],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1079","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=1079"}],"version-history":[{"count":0,"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/1079\/revisions"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=1079"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=1079"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"https:\/\/foxtongue.com\/dreampepper\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=1079"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}